Ole Miss wants to give a bowl name to each 2017 regular season contest, so we are here to help the Rebels out with some suggestions.
Due to a self-imposed postseason ban, Ole Miss will not be going to a bowl game following the 2017 college football season.
That isn’t going to stop the Rebels and head coach Hugh Freeze from fun, though, as Ole Miss is considering naming each of its 12 regular season games a bowl game. Not to go all C.D. Bales in Roxanne on you, but…
“I think it’s brilliant! What an idea! And I was there! He took the idea! He saw it ripe on the tree, he plucked it, and he put it in his pocket. It’s, it’s, dare I say… genius? Ah, no, no! But maybe, ooh! ah! maybe it is! Maybe I’m in the presence of greatness, maybe I just don’t know it. But I saw it…”
Yes, I am so behind this idea that I am going to help the great people of the Ole Miss athletic department out and give suggestions on what each game should be called along with a gift box item for the players, although I am pretty sure players receiving free stuff is why they are in this predicament in the first place.
Anyway, off we go into the Ole Miss bowl season.
The Hugh Freeze Redemption Bowl
vs. South Alabama, Sept. 2
Let’s start off the season by forgetting what has occurred over the past two offseasons and focusing on what Freeze has done for the program: a 39-25 overall record, including 19-21 in the SEC, while earning a mere $5.14 million. What a bargain!
Gift Bag Item: An edited DVD of The Blind Side with only Freeze’s parts included.
National Compliance Bowl
vs. UT-Martin, Sept. 9
Each fan in attendance will be given a test on what they can or cannot offer recruits or current student-athletes.
Gift Bag Item: NCAA manual.
“Say No To Drugs” Bowl
at California, Sept. 16
What a better way to send a message to those pot-smoking hippies in Berkeley than naming your game versus them against something they love?
Gift Bag Item: a copy of Laremy Tunsil’s rookie highlights.
SEC Championship Bowl
at Alabama, Sept. 30
Just so the Rebels can finally say that they have played in the SEC Championship.
Gift Bag Item: SEC Championship bowl replica rings.
“My Buddy” Bowl
at Auburn, Oct. 7
It is no secret that Freeze and Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn are good friends. Why not celebrate the friendship by bringing back that awesome toy that every boy wanted in the 80s?
Gift Bag Item: My Buddy doll.
The Seersucker Bowl
vs. Vanderbilt, Oct. 14
No two fan bases love to wear seersucker more than Ole Miss and Vanderbilt.
Gift Bag Item: $250 gift certificate to Brooks Brothers.
The Crawfish Bowl
vs. LSU, Oct. 21
One of the best things about these two states are the food, and it begins with seafood. We know how much Ed Orgeron loves Cajun cooking, so this is a no-lose situation.
Gift Bag Item: 10 lbs. of steamed crawfish.
The Black Bear Bowl
vs. Arkansas, Oct. 28
No reason other than I want to remind as many people as many times as possible that the university voted for a black bear to be its new mascot a few years ago.
Gift Bag Item: National Geographic’s History of the Bear.
The Marshall Henderson Bowl
at Kentucky, Nov. 4
“Hey, remember when I was popular? Hey, look at me. I’m Marshall Henderson, damn it!”
Gift Bag Item: A postgame visit from Marshall Henderson himself!
The Joel Osteen Revival Bowl
vs. LA-Lafayette, Nov. 11
Halftime activities will include testimony from Freeze and Osteen, along with a performance by Jars of Clay.
Gift Bag Item: Free bible (Old Testament only).
The Battle of the Bands Bowl
vs. Texas A&M, Nov. 18
The Pride of the South will take on the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Band in a pregame show including talent which has never been seen.
Gift Bag Item: The 2017 Fightin’ Texas Aggie Band Soundtrack
at Mississippi State, Nov. 23
Okay, so this one isn’t original, but you can’t change tradition, right?
Gift Bag Item: an egg to the face of each Ole Miss athletic department member if this idea of naming each game comes to fruition.