Taking a look at what we’re vibing on in the SEC, including wondering if Jim Nantz would make a good primetime voice for the CBS games.
SEC Football Vibes is something that I look forward to sitting down and writing each week. Not one night goes by without me, just as I’m about to fall asleep, suddenly get an idea and, because I know I will forget it in the morning, rise up and grab my computer or phone and type away.
Now, these ideas are not always the best. In fact, they sometimes are ridiculous. The other morning, I woke up to an email from myself with the following words in the message: Kevin Sumlin Egypt King Pyramid. I have no earthly idea what was going through my brain, but I’m sure at the time it made sense.
Yes, it is that time again, so grab your umbrellas to prepare for the barrage of April rain and let’s throw ourselves into the latest edition of SEC Football Vibes.
– I have always enjoyed the symmetry of Jordan-Hare Stadium, so the sketches of a new press box/football operations being in one of the corners is completely throwing me off. Have they not learned from other stadiums that transformed into space ship-looking things instead of a place where football is played? I’m not a big fan of this.
– The Masters is on, so everyone’s eyes will be on Augusta while their ears will be listening to the dulcet tones of Jim Nantz. I was recently debating with myself on if SEC football fans would welcome Nantz as the primetime announcer for the conference on CBS, and I drew this conclusion: no. He’s a good enough announcer, has ties with CBS as is its main NFL play-by-play guy, but I don’t think his buttoned-up look would fit in well. You could always imagine having a beer with Uncle Verne, but I just can’t see it with Nantz. He seems more of a scotch with caviar at the New Canaan Country Club type of guy. Okay, I am going to stop before this starts making even less sense.
– One more thing on Nantz, and this is a well-known story by now, but the man carries a picture of burnt toast in his wallet to show waitresses so they bring him toast cooked to the proper doneness (see: his desired level of burntness). I’m just imagining him trying to pull this off at the Waffle House. He would get slapped so hard.
– Also Masters-related, but I have to talk about this: I find the naming of golf holes both absolutely pompous and hilarious. My favorite at Augusta is that No. 4 is named Flowering Crab Apple. That also sounds like Nick Saban at any press conference.
– Feleipe Franks has seemingly taken over the quarterback position battle in Gainesville, and that sound you hear is the entire Gator Nation letting out a collective sigh. Franks winning the job would mean only good things for the Gators offense. He can be a star.
– Gus Malzahn recently said he is one of the more guarded coaches in the game. Really? I have never noticed. (Do I need a sarcasm sign? No? Okay, then. Let’s move on.)
– Texas A&M has its spring game this Saturday, and I have to ask: does the 12th Man have to stand up for the entire scrimmage, or are they allowed to sit for this occasion?
– Ole Miss also has its spring game, or as it is being called in Oxford, our “bowl game.”
– I was very upset to see that Jim McElwain had shaved his goatee until I saw that Hugh Freeze was growing one. We really need to have an offseason contest between all the coaches to see who can grow the best facial hair. I bet Saban’s comes in nice and gray and looks classy as hell.
– Lastly, this picture of McEwlain holding up a Lil Wayne jersey waiting to meet the rapper needs to be discussed as well.
— Jim McElwain (@CoachMcElwain) April 4, 2017
Is there a bigger contrast than most college head coaches and rappers? I’m just imagining Butch Jones meeting Ludacris:
Jones: “What’s up, Luda? May I call you Luda?”
Ludacris: “Yo that’s aight.”
Jones: (blank stare)
Ludacris: (checking phone)
Jones: “Alllllrighty then. Good to meet you.”
Sadly, this is the best possible way that this scenario could go. So, that also got me thinking: what other coaches could have rappers represent them. Well, if you were wondering the same thing, that is why I am here, so here goes:
Will Muschamp (Eminem) – Soooo angry!
Bret Bielema (Ice Cube) – Just doesn’t give a f***.
Gus Malzahn (Will Smith) – Was popular, doesn’t curse, and is as vanilla as they come.
Ed Orgeron (Busta Rhymes) – Hard to understand sometimes.
Hugh Freeze – The guy in this video.
No thanks necessary, but you are welcome for that, the greatest video to ever hit YouTube.